Alternate Harry Potter Book Titles
by Hpdwlotr24
Summary: What if the Harry Potter books were named based on other characters adventures? Warning: extreme silliness included!
1. Chapter 1: The Golden Trio (minus Harry)

**A/N: Thanks to moonlight2007 for pointing out that I forgot one for Ron's 3rd year and for suggesting one. The one used is hers just with bloody hell instead of s**t because I'm paranoid **

**Also thanks to a guest reviewer known as Beanie who mentioned that in Hermione's 6th year "his" could be taken as Voldemort. This has since been changed.**

**Also thanks to everyone who reviewed!**

Ronald weasley and the chessboard of awesome

Ronald weasley and the extremely terrifying spiders of death that were not butterflies

Ronald Weasley and-Bloody hell! My rat's a man!...And he's been sleeping in my bed!

Ronald weasley and the infatuation/hatred of krum

Ronald weasley and the most embarrassing quidditch season ever

Ronald weasley and the obnoxious snogging girlfriend

Ronald weasley and the little balls of light

Hermione granger and the newly found wonders of the hogwarts library

Hermione granger and one of the many uses of the hogwarts library

Hermione granger and the best punch ever

Hermione granger and the pronunciation of her name

Hermione granger and the time she scolded a giant

Hermione granger and Ronald's obnoxious snogging girlfriend

Hermione granger and the year without the hogwarts library


	2. Chapter 2: The Silver Trio

Luna Lovegood and the infestation of nargles in multiple muggleborns

Luna Lovegood and the framed singing sensation, sirius black

Luna Lovegood and the french girls who put wrakspurts in the boys brains

Luna Lovegood and the year she had friends

Luna Lovegood and the christmas party

Luna Lovegood and the gnome saliva

Neville Longbottom and the remberall

Neville Longbottom and the pesky pixies

Neville Longbottom and the Snape of death

Neville Longbottom and his "awesome" dancing

Neville Longbottom and his beginning of an awesome life

Neville Longbottom and the slug club he didn't get into

Neville Longbottom and the time he became SUPERMEGAFOXYAWESOMEHOT!

Ginny Weasley and the time she said good luck

Ginny Weasley and the time the boy who lived was in her house!...oh yeah and she was possessed by the Dark Lord of all

Ginny Weasley and the time she was irrelevant to the plot

Ginny Weasley and her date with Neville

Ginny Weasley and the year of the many boys

Ginny Weasley and the time Harry finally noticed her

Ginny Weasley and the evil headmaster of death


	3. Chapter 3: The Staff

**A/N: Here's chapter 3...obviously...enjoy!**

Albus Dumbledore and the earwax flavored jelly bean

Albus Dumbledore and his nice purty bird

Albus Dumbledore and the time an escaped convict was in the school so they all had a sleepover!

Albus Dumbledore and the loss of the only fairy student Hogwarts ever had

Albus Dumbledore and his fear of a 15 year-old boy

Albus Dumbledore and his death

Albus Dumbledore and his purty portrait

Severus Snape and that vile potter boy

Severus Snape and that vile DA teacher

Severus Snape and that vile childhood enemy

Severus Snape and that vile tournament

Severus Snape and that vile pink toad

Severus Snape and those vile occulmency lessons

Severus Snape and -always.

Minerva Mcgonagall and the totally and completely fair house cup tournament despite what all the other teachers say

Minerva Mcgonagall and the time Quidditch was canceled

Minerva Mcgonagall and the Firebolt that was not more important than Harry's life, Wood!...because if he died we wouldn't have a seeker!

Minerva McGonagall and the year without Quidditch...at least Gryffindor won the Tournament!...I mean at least hogwarts won...

Minerva Mcgonagall and that *the next paragraph has been edited out due to vulgarity* pink toad!

Minerva Mcgonagall and time Ronald was having far too much fun over there

Minerva Mcgonagall and - BOOM!

**A/N : I know that these were pretty quite OOC but this is a humor fic**

**So please review criticism is welcome but no flames please!**

**(also anyone get the Downton Abbey reference in Mcgonagall's?) **


	4. Chapter 4: Those Lovely Death Eaters

**A/N: Okay! Death Eaters time (plus dear old voldy-poo!)! I know none of the Malfoys are in here they get their own chapter! Ooh aaah!**

**Also, a BIG thank you to everyone who reviewed ( you are awesome!) and the lovely people who are now following this story! I love you all! Enjoy...*drumroll* chapter four!**

**P.S Doctor Who reference in voldy's! If you havenot seen it go watch it! Best. Show. Ever. **

Voldemort and the year he had to see quirrel wipe his butt everyday

Voldemort and the year he got a major facelift

Voldemort and the year he got a pet rat

Voldemort and the year The Doctor helped him

Voldemort and his awesome death eater who can't even defeat a couple teenagers...blast...

Voldemort and the year he got a teenage boy to be able to do something he had been trying to for years

Voldemort and the year he said he would live forever and then died right after that

Fenrir and the yummy boy

Fenrir and the yummy girl

Fenrir and the yummy town

Fenrir and the yummy horses

Fenrir and the yummy mudbloods

Fenrir and the yummy Bill

Fenrir and the yummy lavender

Bellatrix Lestrange and the really cold winter in Azkaban

Bellatrix Lestrange and the really hot summer in Azkaban

Bellatrix Lestrange and the obnoxious stupib mudblood loving cousin who escaped

Bellatrix Lestrange and the time her dark mark burned and she had a mental break down of joy

Bellatrix Lestrange and the time she broke out of Azkaban (finally!)

Bellatrix Lestrange and the filthy halfblood-traitor-lying-scumbag-toe rag-disloyal-lazy-arrogant-Snape

Bellatrix Lestrange and her really cool knife

**A/N: I hope you liked it! Reviews are awesome and criticism is very welcome**!


	5. Chapter 5: Those sweet Malfoys

**A/N: Hello! Here are those sweet Malfoys! Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or else it would be VERY different ;)**

Lucius Malfoy and the time he heard about "this"

Lucius Malfoy and the time he bought an entire Quidditch team the most expensive brooms on the market because childhood feuds are totally worth that

Lucius Malfoy and the hippogriff execution

Lucius Malfoy and the tournament Draco didn't get into

Lucius Malfoy and the time sirius black punched him in the face (it was awesome)

Lucius Malfoy and gross Azkaban food

Lucius Malfoy and the year he didn't shave

Draco Malfoy and the forbidden forest of fear

Draco Malfoy and the chamber of joy

Draco Malfoy and the best punch ever

Draco Malfoy and the tournament he wasn't in

Draco Malfoy and the Weasley is our king song

Draco Malfoy and the year of depression

Draco Malfoy and the other year of depression

Narcissa Malfoy and the candies she sent to Draco every day

Narcissa Malfoy and the time she wasn't in the book

Narcissa Malfoy and the evil hippogriff of doom that almost killed her little angel

Narcissa Malfoy and the tournament Draco wasn't in (thank god!)

Narcissa Malfoy and the time her poor Lucius got put in jail

Narcissa Malfoy and her mental-breakdown

Narcissa Malfoy and the time she said "dead" and became a BAMF

**A/N: there you go! In case you didn't get it Lucius' first one was because Draco always says "my father will hear of this!" it was little vague.**

**anyways! There you go! I think I might do the marauders (minus James) next. Any suggestions are more than welcome! **


	6. Chapter 6: The Pets!

**A/N: HAPPY HARRY POTTER DAY! Today it's the day Harry Potter defeated Voldemort so it's unofficial harry Potter day! Celebrate! So in honor of the Dark Lord's demise, I shall be posting two chapters today! I'll post the other one later in the day. And a huge thank you to RavenclawReality who recommendEd I do these character and the ones in the next chapter! Thanks you are brilliant! Also thanks to everyone who reviewed, is following, or favorited this story! I love you all**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing...well as of recently I own a Hufflepuff tie! But that's about it!**

Crookshanks and the smelly pet store

Crookshanks and the still smelly pet store

Crookshanks and the evil man rat, wonderful man dog, and mean ginger

Crookshanks and the delicious rats he shared with man dog

Crookshanks and the death of his beloved man dog

Crookshanks and Mrs. Norris: their secret affair

Crookshanks and how he realized that his feelings for Mrs. Norris were only there because he missed the man dog and was lonely

Mrs. Norris and the first year without legal physical punishment...blast...

Mrs. Norris and pretty water she conveniently stared into to avoid death

Mrs. Norris and the new pretty cat

Mrs. Norris and the misbehaving transfer kids and messy tournament

Mrs. Norris and the lovely new teacher that let her and her Filtch take over the school...well almost...

Mrs. Norris and her secret affair with Crookshanks!

Mrs. Norris and the biggest mess her and her Filtch have ever seen...dang wizard battles make a mess of her school!

Hedwig and her new best friend

Hedwig and the scary tree of death

Hedwig and the new pretty cat

Hedwig and the mean bird that bit harry

Hedwig and the stupid school birds that Harry used instead of her

Hedwig and the year without any letters to Snuffles

Hedwig and the time she saved her best friend


	7. Chapter 7: House elves!

**A/N: ta-da another chapter as promised! these characters were also recommended by RavenclawReality. She is awesome! Thank you so much! **

Dobby and the mean Malfoys

Dobby and his sock!

Dobby and more socks!

Dobby and his MILLIONS OF SOCKS

Dobby and his TRILLIONS OF SOCKS

Dobby and his super special job he got to do for Harry Potter!

Dobby and his freedom

Winky and her lovely master

Winky and her wonderful master

Winky and her wise master

Winky and the time her master gave her...CLOTHES! NOOOOO!

Winky and her butterbeer addiction

Winky and her worsening butterbeer addiction

Winky and the crazy free elf's death...she missed him...

Kreacher and his mistresses lovely painting

Kreacher and how much he misses all his masters and mistresses

Kreacher and the time he found another family album!

Kreacher and the redecoration of his den

Kreacher and the stupid blood traitor, muggle-loving, mean master and his blood traitor and mudblood friends.

Kreacher and the time he didn't get to live with his true mistress!

Kreacher and when he got to fight for his beloved master Regulus!

**A/N: There you go! Please review :)**


	8. Chapter 8: The Marauders

**A/N: Wow...it's been a while...sorry for the wait I've been really busy. But now I'm back! So without further ado...The Harry Potter books according to the Marauders! **

Peter Pettigrew and the rat coloring spell gone wrong

Peter Pettigrew and the last year of ratness

Peter Pettigrew and the scary cat and sirius serial killer

Peter Pettigrew and the shiny hand of death!

Peter Pettigrew and the time he didn't exist in the plot

Peter Pettigrew and the time Snape was reaaaaally mean to him!

Peter Pettigrew and the time he showed a little bit of mercy and then was killed by his own hand (literally)

Sirius Black and the really cold winter in Azkaban

Sirius Black and the really hot summer in Azkaban

Sirius Black and the time the traitor rat-man escaped

Sirius Black and the year of eating rats...which totally wasn't his way of taking his anger out on the entire species

Sirius Black and his dear cousin...who killed him...

Sirius Black and heaven

Sirius Black and the time he got to be a really cool ghost thing!

Remus Lupin and the lonely year of loneliness

Remus Lupin and the other lonely year of loneliness

Remus Lupin and mini James!

Remus Lupin and a less lonely but still lonely year of loneliness

Remus Lupin and the year he got more friends!

Remus Lupin and the time he got to be an awesome undercover werewolf agent!

Remus Lupin and when he went to heaven and got to spend an eternity with James and Sirius...oh dear god...

James Potter and the year his awesome son got his letter and was a seeker!

James Potter and the year his awesomely good-looking son defeated a snake of death and played more Quidditch

James Potter and the year his super cool son met his super cool friends and got a freaking firebolt!

James Potter and the year he got to see his epic son who looks awesome but his son didn't get to play Quidditch

James Potter and the year his son made a rebellious army of death because he couldn't play Quidditch and his awesome friend got to join him in heaven!

James Potter and the year his son became Quidditch captain!

**James Potter and the year his son only rode his broom once!...oh yeah and he defeated the Dark Lord of all...**

**There you go! Please leave a review and/or a request for another chapter :)**


	9. Chapter 9:Three Weasleys

**Disclaimer: I'm not JK Rowling...just in case you were wondering...**

Molly Weasley and the poor skinny boy

Molly Weasley and the -HOW DARE YOU STEAL YOUR FATHER'S CAR!

Molly Weasley and her (big) head boy

Molly Weasley and the Rita Skeeter articles

Molly Weasley and the extendable ears, rebellious twins, reckless sirius, and excessive apparation

Molly Weasley and the still skinny boy

Molly Weasley and the time she called Bellatrix Lestrange a b*%#

Arthur Weasley and the famous and MUGGLE-RAISED friend Ronald makes

Arthur Weasley and the function of a rubber duck

Arthur Weasley and the fancy trip to Egypt

Arthur Weasley and the Quidditch World Cup gone bad

Arthur Weasley and the time he got to go on the muggle underground!

Arthur Weasley and the year in which his house remained completely fine and didn't burn down despite what David Yates thinks!

Arthur Weasley and the fancy wedding that he somehow managed to afford...

Percy Weasley and the disrespectful students

Percy Weasley and his secret affair with Penelope Clearwater

Percy Weasley and his head boy badge

Percy Weasley and his wonderful mentor, boss, and friend Mr. Crouch

Percy Weasley and his traitor family

Percy Weasley and the new minister who totally isn't using him to get to Harry Potter

Percy Weasley and the time he made a joke

**A/N: There you go! And the last one for Percy is so sad! If you don't know why go read the end of the Battle of Hogwarts chapter in the Deathly Hallows...then cry...a lot... D':**

**Anyways, please review! **


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